he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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