wanna go halves on a baby?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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