I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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