Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize