dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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