there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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