can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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