Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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