i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
