Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
