now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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