I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize