note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
