is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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