She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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