Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
