who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
