I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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