I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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