If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
