I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize