every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
