the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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