Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
3pm strippers are depressing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
