By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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