Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
