dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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