So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
honey bunches of taint.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
