Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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