shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
