I got chris browned last night
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
