ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
