WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
