what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He felt like a one man threesome
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
