Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
