I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He felt like a one man threesome
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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