She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
