I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
