He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
