You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize