i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
