I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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