brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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