I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
