Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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