His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
