You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
