I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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