I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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