Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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