I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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