If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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