great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
