I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize