Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
