we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
