All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
