a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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