Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
