We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
