They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
