It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
