Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
