DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
