he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
