He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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