Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize