don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
