My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
