Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
