Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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