i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
