That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize