Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
