I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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