...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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