I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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