Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
accomplished twins. life is a go
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
