We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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