If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
