Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
