so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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