i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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