Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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