Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
