her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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