take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
