y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
