I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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