Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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