you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
