Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
