I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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