fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Jerry, you need to find god
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
