its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
