I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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