So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
